This article is written in English for international readers.
1. Introduction
I have a few personal “NG words” — phrases I try not to use in my own thinking.
One of them is “That’s just how it’s supposed to be.”
This kind of phrase easily turns into should-thinking for me. （related to rigid thinking / all-or-nothing thinking in neurodiversity contexts）
When I leave it unchecked, it often becomes thoughts like:
・“This is how it’s supposed to be, so why isn’t it?”
・“Everyone else can do this. Why can’t I?”
When that pressure is directed inward, it turns into self-loathing. When it’s directed outward, the world I can live in becomes very small.
It’s exhausting.
Another phrase I’ve stopped trusting is “I’ll be more careful.”
This article is about why.
2. “I’ll Be More Careful” as a Dead End
A small, harmless example
A few days ago, I dropped an egg. Then, just a couple of days later, I dropped another one.
After the first time, I told myself: “I’ll be more careful next time.”
Clearly, that didn’t work.
To be fair, calling it an “excuse” might sound too harsh. But in my case, being careful is not something I can continuously maintain.
Between dropping the egg and the next time I touch one, I can’t keep myself in a constant state of alertness without burning out.
Life already has enough stress.
For me, “I’ll be more careful” has almost no practical value. It doesn’t change my behavior. So I treat it as an NG word.
3. If Not Willpower, Then What?
Let’s go back to the egg.
If willpower doesn’t work, what does?
I tried a simple brainstorming exercise — no judging, just listing ideas.
Option 1: Change the environment or system
・Store eggs on a lower shelf
・Keep them outside the fridge
・Cook many eggs at once and freeze them
・Stop buying raw eggs altogether
・Buy extra eggs so breakage doesn’t matter
・Put a warning note on the fridge door
(Some ideas are realistic. Some are not. That’s fine.)
Option 2: Change my own actions
・Hold only one egg at a time
・Take out the whole carton instead of individual eggs
・Say out loud: “I am taking an egg carefully”
・Make handling eggs the very first step of cooking
4. What Actually Helped
From all those ideas, I chose just two:
・Store eggs on a lower shelf
・Handle them one at a time
They were simple. More importantly, I could actually remember to do them.
This is a small thing. But this small adjustment did more than repeating “I’ll be careful” ever did.
This is what progress looks like for me: not fixing myself, but reducing friction.
5. When This Thinking Turns Dangerous
There is a risk to all of this.
If I’m not careful (ironically), I start applying my rules to other people.
When someone else says, “That’s just common sense,” or “I’ll be more careful next time,” I sometimes feel irritated.
That’s a warning sign.
What protects me can easily become another form of should-thinking.
・It’s a personal value when I use it to protect myself
・It becomes a problem when I expect others to live by it
Learning that difference has taken years. And I’m still learning.
Only recently have I started to catch myself thinking: “Maybe I’m demanding too much from others.”
6. Closing Thoughts
Do you have words or phrases that quietly hurt you?
This article might sound like a strange confession. But for me, this is not about being right.
It’s about my lifelong theme: slowly reducing the difficulty of living.
Not all at once. Just a little at a time.
Thank you for reading.
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